Category: Uncategorized

What to do when your buddy posts his modeling head shot as his profile pic

As an entertainer, at some point in your career you are supposed to take a head shot – A photo that shows your character and essence clearly so producers and audiences can get a feel for who you are without having met you. Exhibit A:

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If you’re somewhat attractive looking (this is how my wife describes me and she’s a realist) you’re supposed to get at least one shot where you exude your somewhat attractiveness. I’ve done it. Years ago. As did my good friend and frequent collaborator Stepchylde Tha Phoenix (seen above). I’m not proud of mine. However, Step posted his as his Facebook Profile pic a few days ago. This was where he went wrong. Now, he is a more than somewhat attractive guy so the ladies went to town with their comments about how “yummy” he is. But he has male friends too. And this is how we reacted….

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Let this be a lesson to all of you more than somewhat decent looking men… with great looks comes great responsibility.

“Misogyny and Other Cock Blockers”

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Last Wednesday I released a video for “Boss Señorita”—a song I wrote to empower women and offer men a different approach. Two days later, a misogynist killed 6 people because women rejected him. I’ve seen much discussion about misogyny since then and I’m seeing men get very defensive. As a man, I understand why. My hope is that admitting why—to ourselves and to women—may help us create a space where women aren’t terrified of us. One can dream.

Naturally, we feel offended when we hear generalizations about our gender. We want to say, “IT’S NOT ALL MEN.” But the rage I’m hearing and reading from many of us only points out that some of the generalizations hit too close to home.

None of us are truly innocent bystanders. Not all men are violent or disrespectful, but we are more similar to the creeps and violators than we like to admit. We have the same compulsion to look at a woman walking by. We objectify regularly. We feel unwarranted jealousy when a cute girl we barely know has a crush on someone else. We feel a territorial ownership of the females in our lives. The offenders are not some alien species.

I am not suggesting that we should feel guilty for having desires, fantasies or for feeling protective. My goal is to make men aware that these natural instincts feed an unnatural cultural problem. We overlook everyday sexism because it strokes our egos, exploits our desires and skews the balance in our favor.

Much of our behavior and our media bombard women (and men) with the idea that they aren’t worth our time (or maybe anything) if they are not attractive and/or eager to pleasure us. Like the sexy fast food commercials that make our mouths water and our balls twitch. And the cheerleader kicking her legs apart every time our team scores. It’s everywhere. And it’s great, right? A system that tells women that if they desire a man’s attention they must be hot and ready—why wouldn’t we want to keep that system? For one, it’s manipulation. It is also oppression. And it is so pervasive that women police each other on our behalf. And yet it’s still not getting us what we want: to be desired.

We want women to think we are great. Our egos require women to think that we are great. Think? What, like men? System failure. Despite what we are taught, it turns out that women do think and men do have feelings. All the self-doubt that we encourage in women for our benefit instead feeds our own self-doubt. When we can’t tell if a woman thinks we are awesome or if she is simply looking for male validation, our egos cannot truly be satisfied – even if our balls are.

By the way, I despise manipulation and sexism when it comes from women too. I am just focusing on what I think is the heart of the problem. Yes, men get hurt by women. I have been hurt and rejected by women. That it is a part of life. Culture-wide objectification, dissatisfaction, and daily terror don’t have to be.

From as early as we can remember, sexism is passed onto us. We’ve all heard our fathers, grandfathers, uncles and/or favorite movie characters talking about how women are irrational or too complex to understand. We’re told “to keep a woman happy, just say sorry,” or the slightly more blatant “bitches be crazy.” This is dehumanization. From childhood. We weren’t born sexist and we don’t have to pass it on.

As I type this, my son is watching Power Rangers. One of the male characters just said to his buddy, “I saw her first!” As though she is the front seat and he just called “shotgun!” Objectification is everywhere. From childhood. (For the record, I just explained to my son that it is not up to those Power Rangers who the girl likes, and that she doesn’t have to like either of them.)

Until we, as males, change our deeply engrained expectations we will never be innocent bystanders. We start by taking responsibility for our insecurities. By how we talk about women when women aren’t around. By knowing that our worth is not measured by how much women desire us. By how we anonymously comment online. By how we raise our young boys and girls as equals: if it’s not cool for your daughter to have sex, it’s not cool for your son either. By how we listen to her with the same respect we would give our mothers, sisters, brothers, fathers, best friends and acquaintances.  Just because there is ALSO a part of you that would totally bone her silly if you could—in an alternate universe, in a vacuum, in your head, or wherever—it doesn’t mean you can disrespect her in the real world.

This isn’t to say you can’t make advances. If you want to explore real world options with her just pay attention to her words and body language. And take the hint. Who knows? Whether it’s a one-night stand or a lifetime of commitment, she may actually want what you want! However, if she doesn’t —and this is the crucial part —Let. It. Go. Even if you are the most awesome guy in the world, and spend a lifetime wooing her, you are not entitled to ANYTHING! “But I put a ring on it!” Is NOT an excuse. If you don’t like what you’re getting back in return, communicate. Use your words.  You’re a big boy. If your feelings and desires don’t matter to her, move along. She’s clearly not who you are looking for. No amount of emotional or physical manipulation can change that.

Oh and you don’t have to respect all women. You don’t have to respect all men either. If you don’t respect someone, move along. That’s equality. That’s feminism. Just because it starts with “fem” doesn’t make it pro female or anti male… it is literally “the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women EQUAL to those of men.”

If we want a leg to stand on when we claim that it’s “NOT ALL MEN” then we need to be less defensive when women stereotype us, and be more offended when men perpetuate the stereotype. Some of us may have stood up for women in obviously harmful cases, but we need to do it in the “harmless” ones too. For too long we have laughed at the sexist joke­­—whether because we thought in funny or wanted to fit in. Let’s be pioneers. Let’s be revolutionary. I can’t think of anything more manly.  Plus, chicks will totally dig it.

Pics from opening for Sir Tom

 

 

 

 

 

So much fun and an incredible honor opening for Sir Tom Jones last Thursday night at House of Blues San Diego. His crowd was ready to party and generous with their cheer. Thanks to all who came to support me and you who support me by being interested in what I do. Here are some pics by Sharisse.

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Amazing video shoot for upcoming single!

This past Sunday was one of my favorite days ever. A few months ago I wrote a song called “Boss Señorita” and immediately knew that it would be the first single on my upcoming album. I also had a clear vision for the music video and we just lived it out with reigning two time US Boxing Champion, Danyelle Wolf. For 6 hours under the hot afternoon sun in Borrego Springs, CA… we got to play outlaws and get into fight scenes and generally goof off like we were kids again. My wife, Sharisse Coulter, and co-photographer/director, Jason Lee Segal both captured so much great footage that we are excited to share when we launch the single and video this month. Potentially May 21st so stay tuned!

Huge thanks to all the friends who helped out on screen, behind the camera and with our preparations. We couldn’t have done it without you!

Opening for Tom Jones @ HOB San Diego.

 

 

Check out this poster below from House of Blues San Diego. Yes, it’s true! Next Thursday I open for the legendary, Tom Jones! Very honored and excited. Hope to see you out there SD. And btw, have you heard Sir Tom’s new material with folky guitar and that big voice. It’s going to be an amazing show!
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Guitar drama with happy ending!

For seven years, I played this Taylor…
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Then I went and bought this…

Everybody said, “Oooohhhhh. Gibson.”

Taylor was jealous and needed to feel special. So…

Then I said, “Wait! I don’t actually know how to refinish guitars.”

But I kept on with it and then…

Now they sit happily together. The end.

Opening for THE father of Rock’n’Roll.

Last week I had the honor of opening for the man many credit with “inventing” rock n roll. John Lennon once said “if they didn’t call it rock’n’roll, they’d call it Chuck Berry.” Whatever you call it, it’s obviously keeping Chuck Berry young… this man at 86 years old is still doing his famous Duck Walk and showing moments of absolute awesomeness. I can only imagine the rocking that was happening back in the day… when he invented rocking.

It was at his venue in St Louis called the Duck Room (at Blueberry Hill) and it was a sold out show, packed wall to wall with Chuck Berry fans (some just fans of music/history who came to get a glimpse). We played a 45 minute set which went really well as we won some new fans… but the whole time I was thinking “don’t say Chuck Berry.” It’s one of the few rules you are told when opening for Chuck Berry is that you are not permitted to say his name. My first thought was that Chuck Berry must be as evil as Lord Voldemort (referred to as “He Who Must Not Be Named” in the Harry Potter books). Then, I figured it makes sense – a man of such fame and reputation needs no introduction. Touche, Chuck Berry. It was especially difficult because I had planned to tell the story of how the first song I ever sang on stage was a Chuck Berry song. I ended up just naming the song title (Johnny B Goode) and everyone screamed as though I had said “free money!” or “welcome to Oprah’s giveaway show!”

All joking aside, and despite Chuck being very elusive (got to shake his hand and barely get this photo – he’s yelling ‘next’) it was a true reminder for me that this whole thing is one step at time. One exciting small event by small event. If there’s a skip in the beat of the heart, you’re on the right track. Like I said in my FB post that morning…

“About to board a plane to St Louis where tonight I open for Chuck Berry. This photo is me singing his “Johnny B Goode” at my cousins wedding over 20 years ago. It is the first song I ever performed live. So I’ve been at this for over 20 years and I’ve got a long way to go to get to where I want to be, but I do know when to stop and appreciate full circle moments like this. Thanks all of you who support and inspire me along this journey. #stickwithit

Rock on, Chuck. And thanks to you, Mr Berry, the rest of us can too.

San Diego Homecoming Show!

San Diego friends please join us 6:30pm this Thursday 6/27 at the Encinitas Library for our homecoming show. Full band, book signing and tour slideshow! It’s free and all ages so bring children! Check out the article in the Coast News. Madluv!

I’m Not That Flexible

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By Sharisse

Week three has us settling into our (self) designated roles: Lee as Driver/Dumper/Rockstar, me as Navigator/Accommodation Finder/Book Seller and Kai as the self-proclaimed “Boss.” Kate is still putting up with us all and rounds out this crazy crew.

As anyone who has toured or traveled much can tell you, the key to happiness and sanity is flexibility. Unfortunately, that directly contradicts the necessary mantra of the Do-It-Yourselfers: control freaks get it done. Finding the balance is my personal quest. I’m better at it with coffee in my system. Luckily, efficiency is my greatest asset and being a mother has taught me to hone that efficiency even more. I do my best to research every stop, chart the quickest safest routes, find fun things to do, and still get all my work finished. We’ll get ‘er done, I have no doubts about that … I just hope not to inspire homicidal fantasies in those around me in the meantime.

Austin was our longest stop yet, giving us a full week in one place—enough time for three shows and a quick flight over to Nashville for Lee to get his NACA on. We also had a chance to check out downtown, both for shows and to take Kai to another children’s museum. I’m pretty sure he’s going to see every museum across the country.

While Lee was away, Kate, Kai and I took to some shopping and playground hopping, generally enjoying a couple days with nothing official to do. We caught up on some much-needed housekeeping, emailing and girl-talk, and met some of the neighbors. Meeting the neighbors is quickly becoming one of my favorite things. It’s a great way to get to know the area, get tips on parks to stay at, hidden gems to seek out, restaurants to try, and the anthropologist in me loves hearing about how other people live and think. It’s like Forest Gump’s box of chocolates: you never know what you’re gonna get.

For Austin favorites, we loved Zen, a Japanese/Texan fast food chain that has fresh meats, fish and veggies ready to cook on demand and make into rice or noodle bowls. You can even get steak sushi, which makes Lee happy. And they carry our favorite chili paste, Sambal, which bumped it up a couple extra notches.  We also tried Threadgill’s, the first Austin restaurant to get a liquor license post-prohibition, and the venue that claims to have broken Janis Joplin. I say claims because we’ve been at this long enough to know no singular thing or venue breaks an artist, but I’ll admit it makes for a better story.  It was my first taste of southern food and I rather enjoyed my pecan-crusted chicken with creamed spinach.  After Lee finished his meal (and mine, Kate’s and Kai’s) he proclaimed “I’m gonna get fat on this tour!” Good thing a lot of these parks have gyms.

Our break time is now officially over and we’ve got a busy week ahead of us as we make our way to New Orleans—an exciting stop since none of us has been before.  We’ll spend a few days there and we’re  looking forward to good gigs and fantastic food!  Anyone with recommendations on things to see or places to eat, please comment/message/facebook/twitter us and we’ll do our best to try it all. AustinSunset_6746_web

Interview with CreativeEdgeMusic.com

Before the fun tour launch show at Belly Up a few weeks ago, Lee was interviewed by CreativeEdgeMusic.com

They make him sound pretty legit so we encourage you to read it… ;o)

http://www.creativeedgemusic.com/2013/02/the-song-writer-lee-coulter-novel-music.html